Aug
7
$25,000: A Personal Debt Story
Filed Under Personal Debt
Seeing as how this is a blog about debt, we thought we’d share our own personal story about debt. This is where it changes from ‘we’ to ‘me’, Jules.
When anyone asks me what was the moment I remembered most from my childhood, I’d paused and say, “When I was 17, and my mum gambled away $400,000 of my father’s money.” There’d be an awkward silence, I’d shrug and conversation would swiftly move on, but the memories would linger in my mind.
When my parents got married, my dad was the sole breadwinner. My mum only finished high school and with four kids on her hands, she resigned from her receptionist job and fell into the natural role of being the homemaker. But despite the trappings of a comfortable life, she was, underneath it all, unhappy. She only got married because she had gotten pregnant with me, and my parents felt that they had to do the “right thing” by exchanging vows. My dad, bless his heart, didn’t know how to show love or affection. A hard and ill-tempered man, he only knew how to show love by working hard and providing all of us with a comfortable middle class living. But in moments of anger and disappointment, his infamous temper would flair which meant that the children would cower in silence, while my mum simply sucked it all in without nary a word or any sort of retaliation. Deep in her heart, she wanted to be free, but with little savings and skills, she was financially dependent on her husband and had no means of escape. “Always be financially independent,” she’d whisper to me repeatedly, “Never depend on a man for money.”
When I was 16, I started receiving odd calls from Mum’s cell. “Hello? Mummy?” I’d holler into the receiver, but all I heard were the dings and dongs of jackpot machines in the background. She must have had triggered her call list accidentally. Foolishly, I pretended that I didn’t hear them and never said a word. I didn’t know what to do, I was too afraid.
Months passed. On that fateful night, I was in my room when I heard the sounds of my parents quarreling in the dining room. Dad was shouting at the top of his lungs. Through the walls, his anger was palpable and at the receiving end was my mother. Suddenly, there the unmistakable sound of someone being hit and an ensuing scuffle. My mum packed her bags and left that night. I stayed in my room the whole time, too paralyzed to do anything. The next day, my dad silently motioned to me to sit next to him and we went through her checkbooks. We recorded every little stub that was made out to a private club. A thousand here, another thousand there. We tallied the final figure, $400,000 in just a few months. It’s funny how a figure suddenly represented so much. $400,000 of my dad’s hard work. $400,000 of my mum’s desperation. As a family we slowly and painfully got over the incident, but little did I know I’d soon tread down the same path as my mother.
At 19, I entered university. The freedom of being away from my family and the feeling of being responsible for my own finances was exhilarating. It was also then that I met my boyfriend, he was a sophomore and he had an addiction, which was gambling. He was a regular at the casinos and I’d tag along. It started out small. $5 here, another $5 there. My favorite game was blackjack, with roulette being a close second. When I won my first $100 and there was no turning back. Soon my bets started escalating, I’d put down $25 bets, $50, even $100. If you don’t bet big, you won’t win big right? Or so they say. It was common for me to win $2000 a night and lose it all and more. I remember we’d walk home together at 6am in the morning desperate and depressed, because we’d lost all our tuition money. At my lowest, I was $25,000 in debt, and all because of a stupid game.
It took me two years to beat my debt. First, I dumped the boyfriend and took up a part-time job as a bookseller at Borders. When summer came I took on a second job at an internet firm doing data-entry at minimal wage. I lived the most frugally I ever had in my life. Many days I’d have one meal a day, it was usually some boiled spaghetti and whatever discounted pasta sauce I could find at the grocery store. I remember scrounging around in my pockets and purse desperately to find 50 cents to buy a pack of gum as a treat. Socializing was out of the question, partially because I felt the burning shame of my predicament and was afraid to tell anyone. Often I contemplated thoughts of suicide, thinking of how I’d let myself and my family down. It took a slow and steady discipline, and the support of a caring and loving partner to get me out of that pit.
Now I’m debt-free and to be honest, sometimes I still feel the itch of having chips in my hand and the excitement of winning, but I know it’s a myth and I never want to go down that slippery slope again.
What’s your story?
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3 Responses to “$25,000: A Personal Debt Story”
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Jules - it takes alot of courage to share something so personal! You are an inspiration and I wish you the best of luck in the future.
Wow thanks for sharing your story, you are amazing for having gotten yourself out of so much debt.
Blogging is wonderful for its release- we do have painful stories and I find my debt levels shameful. By blogging about it though at least I am talking about it, and being inspired to chip away at it!
Honestly, I couldn\’t disagree more. I would recommend doing some more research before writing about this.